


Secret Diary Of A London Call Boy

by worldofnight



Category: Harry Styles - Fandom, Larry - Fandom, Larry Stylinson - Fandom, Louis Tomlison - Fandom, One Direction, lourry - Fandom
Genre: M/M, Secret Diary Of A Call Girl AU, larry stylinson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-23
Updated: 2013-05-28
Packaged: 2017-12-12 17:51:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/814312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/worldofnight/pseuds/worldofnight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis is a High Class call boy living in London. His life is glamorous and complicated . Hes sort of in love with his best mate Harry ,his other friend Niall is a famous graffiti artist who tends to know Louis better than Louis knows himself. Hes just trying to live a semi normal life as a whore in London.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> The story is written in the same way that the original novel "Secret Diary Of A Call Girl " is written. Its based very closely to the novel and show of the same name. Its from Louis' perspective and written like a diary entry. All of the original quotes and formats belong to the original author, Belle du Jour. Please comment and be honest ,critisism is always welcome. 
> 
> Tumblr: nowerenotfriends.tumblr.com

My name is Louis ,and the first thing you should know about me is that I'm a whore.

I sleep with men for money.

Men pay top dollar to spend just an hour with me and trust me its worth it.

I'm sure you're asking yourself ,how does someone end up being a whore ? You're probably making several assumptions that are stereotypically linked with gentlemen and or ladies of the night so let me just state a few things for the record.

I wasn't abused or neglected as a child,I actually love my mom and dad very dearly .I never had some sex trauma in my youth,and I don't do this to buy drugs.I hate drugs. I can't even take an extra aspirin without thinking I'll overdose. I've never been addicted to anything my whole life ,except for maybe One Tree Hill.

The truth is I just enjoy sex and money.

How I became a gentleman of the night is actually a very boring story but for the purpose of sharing my life with you here it is .

One night a beautiful man took me home from a bar ,we had some of the best sex I've have ever had in my life and in the morning he was so gentlemanly that he walked me out of his beautiful flat and called me a cab, he handed me what I thought was cab fare ,but once I looked at how much he had given me, which for the record was £170 ,I realized I had been paid for sex.

I'm sure most people would have felt cheapened, maybe even disgusted,but I thought about that £170 ,the rent that was 3 days past due,the job that I had to work at for almost a week to earn that pay,the bare cupboards in my flat,and the student debt I had racked up trying to study at Uni.Even better I thought of the amazing night that I had ,it was the most pleasurable and easy money I could ever make. That £170 wouldn't solve all of those problems but if I could do that regularly ,it would solve most of them and so long story short I sent photos of myself to an agency and became a London Call Boy.

In my profession there are certain levels just like any job and I'd like to think of myself as a higher level than you're average street walker.What I do is such a broad spectrum of things,its not just sex that I provide to clients,its an experience.An experience in absolute pleasure. My clients don't only need sex,if they just wanted to get off they’d have a wank and save the money.They want a connection,a memory,a fantasy fulfilled or maybe they're just looking for a cuddle with a boy who understands the meaning of discretion. All of which I provide for a nominal fee.

Living a normal life definitely presents a challenge but if I've learned anything in my years in the business it's that I need to have some balance. So I've created an alter ego, Lucas.

When I'm at home in my sweats drinking tea and reading the gossip mags, I'm Louis. When I'm shimmering with just a hint of glitter,and dressed in a manner that says “Fuck me” then I'm Lucas. I have work knickers and personal knickers, work mobile,personal mobile. Louis and Lucas have different tastes in music,food, even wines,it seems complicated but its really very simple in my day to day dreck Im Louis and when the lights go low and the bass drops I'm Lucas and never the twain shall meet.

There are a Cast of Characters that I share my life with that you should know about before we really get started:

  
**El:**  The Devil incarnate and my “pimp”,she does none of the work and collects 40% of my earnings as a booking fee.People say that she used to be a model or is a model ,I don't know what the fuck she is or was I've just never seen something so small consume so much Starbucks.It doesn't help that she still doesn't understand that I'm gay and wouldn't sleep with her even if I did like women but she still tries every chance she gets.

  
**Harry:**  My Ex-boyfriend and best mate. He doesn't know I'm a prostitute yet ,I'm not sure how long I'll be able to keep it that way,because I love him so much and the lying just feels wrong. Things between us ended because I was terrible at relationships and he was really good at it so it just didn't work We have a strict no fucking clause in our invisible friendship contract.

  
**Nick:**  Harry’s annoying boyfriend... and no I'm not jealous .

  
**Zayn:**  He’s this crazy kid that wants me to teach him the ropes of being a prostitute... this won't end well.

  
**Niall:**  One of the only people in my life I haven't slept with and know I never will,he's straight and an amazing graffiti artist.He helps me sort my life out and clear my head when things get way too out of control. He knows I'm a whore and is very accepting .

Now that you're up to speed on the basics,soon after deciding to become an escort I began keeping a diary here are some of those entries...


	2. May 23rd

 

 

We were at the Bently ,El always suggested meeting at some high class hotel. I think sometimes it was to get staff used to seeing some of our faces so we wouldn't be stopped on the way to the lifts when meeting clients.

Other times I think shes just a posh bitch who needs things like cucumber water and £45 wedge salads on the menu in order to feel better about stealing money from working boys.Which is exactly what these little “meetings” were,a public place for a madame to collect from her hoes.

“Alright Anthony,my cut is.. “ Eleanor says as she clicks buttons on a calculator.

“£250”

“WHAT!?!?!,are you kidding me how the hell am I supposed to make a living if you're taking that much” Anthony exclaimed as all the boys rolled their eyes. I took a large sip of my cucumber water,thinking “Here we go again”

Anthony was the drama queen of the bunch. Not all of us we're gay escorts but a lot of us either were or had to have an ass pounding at some point in our careers. Anthony was, to put it nicely, easily identified as someone who didn't mind said ass pounding.

“Anthony if you booked more clients my fee wouldn't seem so large”

“You know what El ,you take all this money and don't even do you're goddamn job ,if you would get your tiny little head out of you're even flatter ass, maybe I'd be booking men of a higher caliber, more often”

I winced at what was inevitably about to happen to Anthony.

“Anthony ,first of all , you're booking fee is way too high, no self respecting man in London in going to pay £100 an hour to have you looking up at them from a blowjob with that wonky eye of yours,which is why you're only seeing 1 client a week,if you're lucky” Eleanor said coolly as everyone at the table gasped.I pressed my lips together trying not to laugh out loud because she wasn't wrong.

“Second ,you refuse almost every job I give you,hes too old,he's too fat ,hes my sisters husband. Anthony ,you are a whore, and whores can't get choosy ,especially whores with terrible taste in clothing and that fucking haircut.” Eleanor said as if she were talking about the weather.

This was classic El, pointing out all those little things about you that you weren't so secure about ,she can smell insecurity from a mile away. I've heard her say on several occasions that insecurity is the key to keeping her boys obedient .She has never and will never play that game with Lucas because hes not insecure about anything. Thats one of the beauties of the persona . Louis is another story.

Anthony was fuming he loudly got up from the table and stormed off.

“You're a cold bitch Eleanor ,I hope you rot in hell. I FUCKING QUIT”

As he stormed off in his terrible prada leather vest and flip flops, Eleanor cleared her throat very loudly and poignantly ,raising her hand and rubbing her fingers together signaling money. Never even looking back at Anthony. She wanted to make sure she got her cut,she could care less about Anthony’s feelings.

Anthony stormed back and threw the money into her face, but she didn't miss a beat. She barely blinked ,but then again someone who consumes as much caffeine as her rarely blinks anyway.

She picked up every bill and then counted to make sure he hadn't slighted her.

“Well then ,if any of you see Anthony in the gutters nearby please make him aware he owes me 3 pounds ,and with that I think our meetings adjourned”

Everyone began getting up and leaving. There were only 5 of us there. I met with a different group of boys almost every time El called a meeting. Some faces were familiar ,but not many. Boys never seemed to stay in this line of work too long for one reason or another.

“Lucas darling,could you stay for a moment.” I nodded and sat back down,dreading the talk we we're about to have, the same talk we always had.

“Lucas baby ,you know you're my best boy. Clients are always raving about you ! The Cruise client is asking you become a regular for him and his boyfriend. I dont know what you did up there but business is booming because of you darling! Money makes me so wet " I vomited in my mouth

"When are you going to give me a test drive,all the boys let me have a turn ,its just good business . “ El said rubbing my knee and winking.

When she touched me, my dick and balls seemed to retract so far up that for just a moment I thought I may become a girl.

“Uh Eleanor ...” I tried to always keep things as professional as possible with her.

“Call me El” She said looking at me like she had already fucked me 15 different ways in her mind.

“Eleanor I have told you this before ,I'm gay. Totally gay,I only like dick. So unless you're packing some heat I'm unaware of we're just not going to work out sweetie.”

I tried being nice , I tried being really mean,I tried explaining my disgust at her advances ,I tried dressing for shit around her ,nothing I ever said or did seemed to be good enough to keep her away.

El rolled her eyes and sighed. “Story of my fucking life.Ok then if you wont fuck me,I have a client that wants someone young and fit and open minded. I thought you'd be up for that challenge” She said with a devilish smile.

Open minded almost always meant that I'd be doing something very weird ,which was a lot of fun most of the time and then other times it just remained really weird. Most escorts didn't like it if a client asked for someone open minded ,because in this business if we weren't open minded what the hell were we doing being prostitutes ,so making sure to request that someone be open minded almost always meant that the client was either extremely deformed or wanted you to perform an act you would probably never want to speak of again.

“That's fine ,just text me when and where to meet him and I'll be there.”

I tried to exit as quickly as possible before she had a chance to grope me again ,I made my way down the street back to my other life ,my life as Louis.

I met up with Harry at the pub he manages.

Its a quaint little spot near the royal art college that he wishes he took classes at,but never got around to.

"Hey stranger"

Harry says smiling from ear to ear,rushing past the bar.

He hugged me tight.

I loved his scent and the way his soft curls felt brushing past me.

I had to stand on my tiptoes to reach him but it was always worth it.

"Haz it was only a weekend"

“Yea but I missed you ,is that a crime.”

That smile of his killed me everytime.

“ No ,its nice to be back and see you.”

Over the weekend I had worked a cruise with a client that wanted a hot boy toy to show off .The Client had booked a gay couples cruise that him and his ex had originally planned to go on together ,but after he caught said ex in bed with their interior decorator , plans changed. The client had given his ex the cruise tickets in the hopes that he'd go anyway and bring the decorator because he'd make sure to bring something much better to show off, and that was me. I looked phenomenal, almost naked lying poolside in a little nautical speedo glistening in the hot sun.I hate to be cocky but every creature on that boat with a working pair of eyes wanted me. The clients bf was so jealous that I ended up in a three way with the both of them ,the interior decorator was left behind and when the boat docked the lovers went home with one another and Lucas had brought a family back together once again.

Of course this is not the story I told Harry.

" So how was the legal conference ?.”  He asked tossing a towel over his shoulder and pouring me my favorite drink ,thats contents to this day remain a mystery.

Only Harry makes it for me and only he knows what's in it.

I had already made up the story in my head about where I had been,lying had become like a second job and I was good at it.

I told Harry that I was an overnight legal secretary. I wasn't sure if those existed but Harry believed me so I kept that lie going, and over the weekend my boss had me attend some legal conference ,which I'm not totally sure even exists.

“It was very boring ,I didn't understand any of that legal jargon ,my boss just wanted me there taking notes.”

“And looking pretty..” Harry said smiling revealing his dimples.

I smiled and tried to remember why we added the no fucking clause in the friendship.

My Phone buzzed it was El texting me about the client.

 

“ _He wants to meet at yours ,8 o clock_ ”

I had talked with Harry for a bit having a few drinks then making some excuse to run off.

 

I got dressed in my finest Lucas clothing. The client was very simple ,he just wanted to be reminded of his childhood.

 

*******

“Ooo do you like that , fucking my tight arse”

“Yes...”

That was a very half hearted “Yes” considering I was pulling my best moves .Not exactly the reaction I was hoping for.

“Really ... is this doing it for you .. because I want to make sure you're happy”

He stopped and sighed a bit.

“I'm sorry I just...this isn't the right setting

I guess.Im just not feeling into it .

Your perfect ,its me . Im sorry.”

“No dont be sorry ,its my job to get you into it , what setting would suit you better? I just want to make you as happy as possible,don't be embarrassed,I've heard it all.” I was trying to put him at ease.

“Well... " He took a big gulp

"I like the smell of fresh grass, and hay ,it reminds me of the farm I grew up on ,just makes me feel good”

“Yea, tell me more about the farm,did you ever do anything dirty on the farm” I said stroking his chest and kissing down his stomach.

“Well.. uh ... once I .. uh .. I wanked in the barn while the animals watched me .” He breathed deep,waiting for me to call him disgusting and throw him out,but this was far from the most disturbing thing I'd ever heard.

“Oh ,that sounds hot ,all those animals watching and making all kinds of noises”

“Yes ,Yes I love the noises” He couldn't contain his elation .

And with that I knew what had to be done ...

*******

“Yes ,harder, fuck me, baaaaa “

“Oh you're a dirty sheep ,aren't you”

“Yes Baaaaa I'm a dirty, dirty sheep. .Baaa,Baaa“

 

"Tell me you love my horse cock"

 

"Oh yes Im hungry for your horse cock"

 

"Neigh for me horsey"

 

Id never made a horse noise before but what did I have to lose at this point.

 

"Neigh ,Neiggghhhhhhh"

 

And with that he came and collapsed on top of me ,I made £400 for letting him fuck me and an extra £150 for being such a filthy animal.

I met Harry for drink after ,I wish I could tell him,but Harry never did like barn animals...


	3. May 26th

 

These emails I keep getting are exactly why I don't like offering help to anyone.

I met Zayn about a month ago when I mistook him for a client .He was beautiful,but was really nervous for someone as good looking as he was.

Men that look like Zayn, tend to carry themselves with a sense of dare I say it ,swagger.

Zayn didn't have swagger that night,he was jittery and stumbling over himself but still extremely flirty.

These were the tell tale signs of a first time client.

Things got awkward after he asked me what I'd pay to fuck him, I told him he had the wrong idea.

I was a real asshole until he broke down, explaining that he'd been sitting at that hotel bar for 4 hours because someone told him men frequented there looking for hookers,he went on explaining he was a very poor artist who needed the money or else he'd end up on the street.

I usually had no sympathy for people when I was Lucas but Zayn plucked at my heartstrings or he was so pretty I couldn't say no to him.

I told him I knew the business and stupidly gave him my personal email  in case of emergencies.

New hookers tend to get themselves into trouble,which is one of the main reasons I put up with El’s bullshit, because in this business having an agency was the only safety net a whore had.

He has emailed me at least twice a day since then, asking to meet up so I can teach him the ropes. Needless to say I'm avoiding him like the plague.

My flats buzzer goes off as I'm reviewing my client schedule for the week. It was Harry, I buzzed him up.

" Hey, how are ya "

Harry rushed past me ignoring my hello, he started pacing about my flat running his fingers through his curls.

"Nick gave me this yesterday" Harry held his hand up revealing a ring.

My heart dropped into my stomach, I had given up my hope of ever making things work with Harry long ago, but the thought of someone taking that option from me forever, especially if that person was Nick Grimshaw, made me want to puke.

"What the fuck does that mean "

"It means he asked me to fucking marry him, like be with him forever "

Why were we yelling at each other about something that was supossed to be happy.

" Isn't that a good thing, I mean you all have been dating for like a year.If you're so freaked out then why are you wearing it "

" Because I love him, and that's what you do when you love someone, you fucking commit to them."

I wasn't sure if Harry was only talking about him and Nick.

He knew I was a commitment phobe ,it's one of the reasons we aren't together anymore.

"I guess so, I'm not really an expert on the subject"

I went to the kitchen and started pouring a glass of wine. I was too sober for this conversation.

"I guess,I'm just a little freaked out, but I said yes... because I wanted to...”

Things fell silent .

“ I came over to tell you, because you're my best mate,I just thought you should know who I was deciding to spend the rest of my life with...”

I could hear the disappointment in his voice ,he wasn't freaked out about saying yes otherwise he wouldn't have said it.

He was freaked out about having to tell me,and then I felt like a shitty friend .I stopped pouring my glass.

“If you're happy,I mean REALLY HAPPY and you honestly want to spend the rest of your life with Nick Grimshaw ..“ I said making my best disgusted face

Harry threw a couch pillow at me

“ Then I’ll be happy for you“

“Do you really mean that”

He said looking at me with that thoughtful furrow in his brow.

I didn't mean it ,but mostly because I knew Harry couldn't honestly be happy with Nick.

Or maybe I really was a selfish dick ,who knew I wasn't right for Harry and couldn't be with him but if I couldn't have him then no one could.

I began filling the wine glass to the brim.

“Yes I do”

Harry nodded and swallowed hard , “I guess you’ll be standing next to me at the altar then,you know,best man or whatever” He couldn't even look at me at this point.

I pushed the glass I was pouring into the sink and started chugging the bottle.

No amount of liquor could prepare me for the spectacle that would be Nick Grimshaw's wedding,especially if it was to Harry.

You’d have to know Nick to understand what I mean but just to try and give you some idea. This is a man who rents fine china if you're coming to his house for what you think is a casual dinner .He wears only designer clothing ,even his socks have labels. He is funny but only after you’ve gotten copious amounts of alcohol into him. Hes just too posh ,and has too many rules. I just don't see how Harry can let down and

But Harry was my best friend and you're supposed to be happy for your friends.

I sat on the sofa beside him,wine bottle still in hand.

“Of course I'll be your best man ,I just want you to be happy”

“Thats the same thing you said to me when you broke up with me”

Of course he’d bring that up. I watched him as he stared down at the black band around his finger, twirling it with his thumb with a pensive look on his beautiful face.

.

“Yea I did ,and Its still true.I want you to be happy and we both know I suck at relationships ,I'm a terrible boyfriend and terrible boyfriends don't make good ones like you happy. “

“You're not a terrible boyfriend... you're just not a very good one”

We both shared a chuckle.

“Nick is , a good boyfriend I mean...”

Another swig of wine.

“I know he is.”

Harry and I sat there for a moment just looking at one another considering the conversation we just had.

It sounded like we both agreed that Harry would rather be with me ,but I suck and Nick doesnt so hes going to marry him instead.

Were both so fucked up.

He must have read my mind because took the bottle of wine from me and began chugging on it himself.

"Let's get some music on , and lighten up this depressing mood"

We sat on my sofa and got drunk,we danced to The Spice Girls and cried watching Love Actually.

For those few hours we just pretended things we're different and it felt really good.

He fell asleep on the couch midway through Lady and the Tramp.

Nick called twice, I silenced Harry's phone both times.

Just for tonight he wasnt Nicks ,he was mine.

 


	4. May 28th

 

Harry has been a bore to be around lately, he keeps showing his ring off and talking wedding plans,so of course I've been avoiding him with lots of colorful excuses.

I've also been helping Niall with his newest project.

Niall is a graffiti artist, his work is famous worldwide,he's a huge internet sensation but no one knows who he really is.

He signs all his work, Craic.

Which makes no sense at all to me because its more of a noise than a signature ,but thats my Niall.

He never liked the idea of being famous, I've known him since I was 17 and he's wanted to be an artist even then but he wanted his artwork to be famous, not him, so the first painting he did he just signed Craic,people all over took notice.

His artwork was featured on art websites and blogs all over the country,then an american news outlet got a hold of it and now he’s famous all over for his art and his mystery.

I love when I see videos or articles of people trying to identify him.

People have guessed all over the spectrum from him being an elephant man all the way to him being Beyonce.

If they only knew.

He’s just an adorable Irishman with an affinity for spray paints and pints.

His latest project was a huge mural of Japanese Girls gasping at some pop star who had gotten caught furiously masterbating in a hotel room.

I probably should have mentioned his art is sort of a social commentary about pop culture in our society, a dash satirical and borderline pornography.

I stood there handing him different colors of spray paint,bitching to him about Harry and Nick.

"Why does he HAVE to get married, it sounds more like a prison then a relationship. "

"Yea, uh, hand me that light nipple color"

" Yea here you go ,and that age difference is just creepy, I mean 9 years, come on,what's Harry thinking"

"Haven't you been with men twice your age"

" Yea but that was for work,I mean I’m with them for an hour, this is the rest of his life "

“Does this look accurate”

Niall was of course asking about the 8ft tall uncircumcised cock he had just masterfully crafted out of spraypaint.

“Yea ,actually it does.”

 

 

“Ok good ,I've never seen one in person so I was hoping for the best”

It was no wonder Niall never judged me for being a whore.

 

 

"Look ,Louis, Harry's a smart lad, if he wants to spend the rest of his life with Nick then we should respect that choice "

I rolled my eyes

 

" OK now off the record " I knew that wasn't Nialls full opinion.

" Off the record,... I think Nick's not the right person for Harry"

"Thank You! I knew I wasn't completely alone."

 

"But,the person that is right for Harry blew it because he got scared that someone might actually love him. He was afraid he wasn't good enough to be loved ,so he pushed him away"

Did I tell you that I don't like Niall.

"Just tell him how you feel Louis,I think that's why he came to your flat that night, he was waiting for you to give him a better offer."

Niall may have been right ,but I didn't have a better offer.. I still don't.

"He asked me to be his best man, so how much sense do you make right now"

"He's settling Lou, the same way you are"

“I’m not settling I’m realizing that I can't be what he needs or deserves so its best I let him have what makes him happy.”

“But what makes you happy”

“I don't know Niall,I'll get back to you on that”

***

I thought about my answer to Niall’s question as I threw on my red cape and hailed a black cab to take me to the dark forest ,or in this modern retelling The Savoy . That night I felt pretty damn happy ,I was dressed as Little Red Riding Hood,and my client huffed and puffed and blew my house down.

I made £400 that night and that made me extremely happy.  


	5. May 30th

The guy I'm working tonight is the trifecta .Rich,powerful and WELL endowed. Even better he's a real gentlemen and a regular client. He always pays well,fucks like a champ and shows me the finer things in life.

Needless to say Jared is my favorite client.

He made his money doing something that involved selling numbers or trading them,or counting them.I think he works on Wall Street in America but for all know he works on Sesame Street. I have no fucking clue what his does but I pretend to pay attention and care because Jared pays for the boyfriend experience .

The boyfriend experience is an all night gig and for my time and attention I make £1400, IN A NIGHT !

Louis is a terrible boyfriend , he works long hours and sleeps till noon. He can't cook for shit and never makes the bed,hes got terrible commitment issues and doesn't like admitting he's ever wrong, Lucas on the other hand is the best boyfriend in all of London.

You see men like Jared that work 90 hours a week ,flying around the world staring at old fat men all day don't want to come home to a relationship they have to work at. They want something easy and pre made to perfection,so they hire me,I don't whine or bitch. I don't beg him to sit on the couch and watch Downton Abbey with me. I definitely haven't let myself go ,and I'm always in the mood .

Yes a large part of the boyfriend experience is fucking,as is most of my work but this adds titillating conversation, some pretend, and a bit of intimacy to the equation.

I arrive at the monet suite at the Savoy, and its perfect, I start making him his favorite cocktail ,shaken not stirred.

He knocks on the door and arrives looking worn but still gorgeous as hell.

“Jared honey I've missed you so much”

I rush over to him and take his coat . Hand him his drink and kiss him hard.

“Lucas darling ,you look amazing,you never disappoint. Work has just been killing me lately,its so good to see you're handsome face”

I smile but I cant help but think about how fake and cheap this whole expierence is,usually I can seperate from reality but my head space has been clouded recently. This whole thing just makes me feel worse about myself.

This small talk goes on for a few minutes,then straight to blowing him in front of the floor length windows as he overlooks London lit up and twinkling in the night.

Then we order room service while I give him a back rub.

We fuck. I make him cum twice.

We talk about politics and art. He asks if I've heard of Craic and I try holding my composure as I tell him no and listen to him describe Niall’s art to me.What’s even better is how he notes that he is sure Craic is a women or a gay man because of her or his accurate and exceptional detail to male genitalia in all of the pieces.  

We fuck again and this time hes fast asleep afterwards.

Its only 3am and I'm meant to be here until 6.

I never sleep on the job ,i

ts not safe or professional ,and I can't leave. I lie there for a while before deciding to glance through the emails on my phone .

I've been cc’ed in all Harry’s wedding planning emails.

**Delete**

Zayn’s been meeting with clients after I finally decided to give in and email back giving him a few pointers and tips.Its going well and he's eternally grateful .. blah .. blah .. blah

**Delete**

El sent me another photo of her topless

**Delete but not before I've cc’ed Niall**

I feel bad about deleting Harry’s emails so I retrieve them from the trash folder and begin reading . Halfway through the first email I'm so bored I'm ready to toss myself off the balcony.Thankfully I'm saved by the buzz of my phone.

Its Harry.

Does he like toying with me with his mind reading skills.

I usually don't take personal calls at work but I've been avoiding him too much,and I dont want to admit it but I miss him.

I slip into the bathroom so I dont wake Jared.

“Hello” I whisper

“Hey Stranger” Harry whispers back

I smile at the sound of his raspy whispered voice.

“Wait why are you whispering”

 

“ Because its late and Nicks sleeping,I just got in from work. Why are

_you_  whispering?”

 

“I'm at work in the bathroom ,hiding from my boss”  I cringed, I wasn't sure he’d believe this whole night time legal aid thing for much longer.

 

“Makes sense”

 

Harry trusted me ,I hated that about him.

 

Its makes our relationship work ,but it also makes me feel like a terrible person.

 

“I haven't heard back from you on any of the wedding emails, I'm assuming you’ve trashed them all”

 

He knew me better than I wanted to admit.

 

“I did ,but I regretted it and believe it or not I was reading one right before you called”

 

“Oh really ,what was it about ?”

 

“The difference between tea rose and misty rose for table linen accents....”

 

He paused for a minute ,I'm pretty sure he was surprised that I had been reading the emails .

 

“God I hadn't realized how fucking stupid and boring that sounds before you said it out loud”

 

We both chuckle,but I can hear his laughter turn into a frown.

 

“Louis , I cant tell if Im Happy or Not.”

 

Ok that was bold and unexpected.

 

“Harry, I'm sure that you're just stressed with the planning and ..” He cuts me off

 

“No ,Louis its not that.”

 

Why was he whispering this to me at 3 in the morning ,why was he telling me at all.

 

‘Harry ,just give it time. You were happy the night he gave you the ring,you're just stressed”

 

He sighed into the phone loudly. “Look. Nick thinks you're bad for me ,he wants me stop hanging around you. He still thinks theres something between us. He's been so mad lately ,I've been keeping him under control by avoiding you”

 

Here I thought I was avoiding him .

 

“But theres not ,you know that,maybe if I tell him ...”  He interupts me agian

 

“What if I wanted there to be something ,What if I want you to stop me ,what if its you and it always has be you and always will be.”

 

I didn't understand,he wanted to be with Nick ,he was happy . Sure Nick was annoying but he loves Harry ,he's faithful and stable.Hes not perfect for Harry ,hell he might not even be right for him but hes a good man and he loves Harry Harry deserve someone that can give him all the domestic bliss that his heart can handle. At the very least he deserve someone that tells him the truth and thats more than I can give him.

 

I could hear nothing more in that moment than each nervous breath heaving in and out of the phone.

"What if its not , what if Im not the person you think I am ,the person you've always wanted me to be. What if you leave right now ,come to my flat and we have this passionate night and you wake up in regret. Is that something you can take back. Hell what if we go on for months like last time and I get restless again ,cant commit to you AGAIN. Is it worth throwing it all away just for us to fail."

 

I wanted so badly to love him,to give in and say fuck it lets run away and pretend real life wont chase us afterward,but I coouldnt. He needed to know that this probably wouldn't work and I couldn't live with him throwing away a chance at real happiness for me.

 

He chuckled into the phone. "Louis,your always gonna be worth it to me. "

Every word he said lit off fireworks inside me. It was like hearing I had just won an Oscar ,a tony,a brit and knighthood from the Queen all in the same wonderful moment. To be told your worth it by Harry Styles was my end all. I just wished I believed it ,I wish I felt worthy of his love. I wish he could say those things knowing who and what I really was. I felt sick thinking of who he had let himself fall for. 

"Harry you dont know what your saying ..."

"I guess I didn't make myself clear. I'm asking you to stop me. Tell me anything to make me leave right now, give me the smallest glimmer of hope and I'm gone. I just need to know that there's a chance you might still love me. Even a chance with you is worth walking out on all this."

I covered my mouth to keep form sobbing into the phone. I cried because I knew my answer would hurt him. I cried because I knew it was hurting me more,but most of all I cried because I was hearing everything I had ever wanted to hear from him. From the moment I laid eyes on him all I ever wanted was for that boy to want me,to love me ,to crave me. And here I was right in front of the thing I wanted most telling it to fuck off. 

The phone stayed silent nothing more between in then empty hope and fear. My brain was screaming at me to tell him no ,there was no love there anymore. Tell him that so he can move on and be happy. But my body just couldn't release the words. Being Lucas had made me a master of lying. Most nights that was the job, lying to others to get them off and in the daytime Louis lied to keep Lucas a secret. Lying had become a language that was fluent and felt good leaving my tongue, but in this moment I was blank. I couldnt do it.

‘Say something Louis...” The pain and longing dripping from his words was weakening my armour.

 

Just then I could hear Jared stirring around in bed ,I had to do my job ,I didn't have time to sort all this out.

 

“Harry ,I have to go “

 

I could hear him sniff back a tear or two.I hated making him cry ,I hated making him hurt. It killed me ,its one of the reasons I can't be with him. I can't keep doing this to him.

 

“Alright ,I understand ... goodbye Louis...”

 

“Harry ... I ... Im sorry” It was all I could seem to peep out.

 

I heard one last sharp pained breath and then I hung the phone up .

I peeked out the door to see Jared cozy in bed still just shifting a bit. Back in the bathroom I just stared at the bright lights and the glimmer from the marble tiles. How ironic the bright room now mocked my misery.

 

I continued staring at my surrounding hoping a black hole would burst from the wall swallowing me whole. But it didn't there was nothing more than a beautiful painting and other adornments. The suite named after the famous impressionist Claude Monet had some of his paintings strewn all about the walls. The one in the bathroom was my favorite . I was so drawn to it and until now I couldn't figure out why. The painting at first glance was so beautiful, but the more you looked at it the more beautiful it became,just like Harry.

 

Somehow in all the beauty painted there I could see the sadness in the art ,Im not sure if Monet was sad when he painted it or even meant for it to seem sad but either way the more I stared at it the more I begin to hate it .Beautiful things shouldn't be sad. 

 

The sun came up, I woke Jared up with a blow job, after breakfast he kissed me on the cheek and called me a cab.

 

I left with £1400 and that painting from the bathroom.

 

I stopped by a few shops and spent every last pound I made that night on wedding gifts for Harry.

 

The painting,I kept for myself, in case I was ever tempted to call him and give him that reason to leave. Id look at the painting and remember, beautiful things shouldn't be sad.

 


	6. June 10 & 12th

June 10th

I haven't seen or heard from Harry in 2 weeks .

But Ive been really busy planning a sort of wedding of my own.My latest client wants me to wear a wedding dress ,yes a dress. Then we're going to sit on wedding cakes together or something ,Im not entirely sure, his emails seem to be clear about cake and frosting and sitting and ( in his words) smooshing into them, but I've never been asked to do these things before so I'm not 100% on what exactly is going to happen but I'm excited to try.

June 12th

**  
**Still no Harry , Still finding frosting in weird places.


	7. June 18th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall paints a message to Louis,Zayn gets himself in trouble,Louis finally talks to Harry and they begin playing a dangerous game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so the real smut begins ... Im not a good smut writer so be warned, but I try ,so enjoy :) Sorry about all the typos my spell check decided not to work ,I think Ive fixed most of them but if you see something let me know and I'll correct it . Thanks

 

I've all but given up on ever hearing from Harry again .I think I really blew it this time ,I really miss him but Im too much of a coward to call him.

****

 

Harry thinks I'm what he wants but I'm not ,we want different things. I dont think he could accept what I do and I would never ask him to.

****

 

I don't think I could even bring myself to tell him anyway.

****

 

And he deserves more than that.

****

 

 

****

 

Niall and I aren't speaking either, Craic’s latest painting is entitled the heart of the whore.

****

 

I pass it every time I get on the tube.

****

 

Its a painting of someone that looks enough like me to notice but not enough for anyone else to. “I’m” breaking my own heart in half .

****

 

One half of the heart has a depiction of a curly haired ,green eyed boy and the other half looks like “me” getting fucked in the ass.

****

 

 

****

 

Nialls an asshole .

  
  
  


 

And a Genius

****

 

 

****

 

As I pass the painting on my way to pick up some food my phone buzzes but I don't recognize the number .

****

 

 

****

 

“Hello”

****

 

 

****

 

“Louis ,Im in real trouble”

****

 

 

****

 

I hear shouting and banging in the background.

  


 

“FUCK OFF,Im on the phone to my big huge bear boyfriend thats gonna beat the piss out of you when he gets here”

****

 

 

****

 

“Zayn is that you,what the fuck is going on”

****

 

 

****

 

I could hear that he was distraught and crying .

****

 

 

****

 

“I met this guy,he picked me up a bar. I know you said not to do that but he was flashing around a whole wad of cash .He was a little drunk ,I thought it be a quick 5 minutes and a huge payout ,but he got me alone and started yelling at me ,he hit me . I dont even want to think about what he’d have done if I hadn't ran into the bathroom and locked the door. I know I broke like 4 of your rules and Im really sorry but ...”

****

 

 

****

 

“Don't think about that now sweetie , just tell me where you are “

****

 

 

****

 

“I uh ... I'm in his flat its this little shithole above the bar we were at. “

****

 

 

****

 

“Ok I'm getting into a cab now .What's the name of the bar ?”

****

 

 

****

 

I could hear him shuffling around ,it sounded like he opened a window.

****

 

 

****

 

“Um .. Doodle Bar “

****

 

 

****

 

Fucking Hell.... thats Harry’s bar.

****

 

 

****

 

Fuck

  
  
  


 

“Zayn just keep the door locked I'll be there in 10”

****

 

 

****

 

FUCK!!!!

****

 

 

****

 

I’m not ready to face him ,I can't .

****

 

Hes not going to want to see me ,he might not even let me in.

****

 

Maybe I’ll get away with just going to the flats ,the entrance is outside the bar ,I can get away with not seeing him.

****

 

At least thats what I keep telling myself over and over on the cab ride there.

****

 

 

****

 

Of course when I get there the entrance to the flats is buzz in only ,and the dude thats trying to kill Zayn isn't going to buzz me in.

  
  


 

I push all of the buttons hoping someone will save me from having to face Harry but no one is merciful enough.

****

 

 

****

 

I almost want to crawl back into the cab and just pretend that none of this ever happened,but I don't think that will work.

****

 

 

****

 

As soon as I walk in I see him behind the bar. Hes smiling and he looks so good in the black they make him wear.

  
  


 

When I don't see him for a while ,its like this big build up and even when he think hes at his worst theres always a huge payout.

****

 

 

****

 

Hes perfect and I hate myself.

****

 

 

****

 

He notices me immediately ,his look isn't angry but its not happy either.

****

 

 

****

 

“What the hell are you doing here”

****

 

 

****

 

“Well Hello to you too”

****

 

 

****

 

Ok now he looked a little angry.

****

 

 

****

 

“Louis ,Nick is going to be here in about an hour we're having a wedding shower,party thing tonight. You probably shouldn't be here for that. ”

****

 

 

****

 

He couldn't even look at me when he said it.

****

 

 

****

 

“Harry I'm not here to ruin anything ,one of my friends called me ,hes in trouble and hes in one of the flats upstairs,I need to get him outta there”

****

 

 

****

 

“I don't really deal with the flats ,thats joe’s thing and what do you mean he's in trouble, did you call 999”

****

 

 

****

 

Harry didn't understand ,I couldn't call emergency and tell them my hooker friend was in trouble.

****

 

 

****

 

“The situations kind of delicate ,I can't call the cops ,ok. Can you help me or not ?”

****

 

 

****

 

He shook his head and sighed. He looked right at me ,his eyes looked right into mine. I tried to ignore the sadness I saw there.

  
  


 

I could see him fighting with himself,he still couldn't make up his mind.

****

 

This is the type of thing I was trying to avoid .

****

 

 

****

 

“Yea fine ,let's go . Marnie cover me ,I'll be right back. If Nick gets here call me immediately. “

****

 

 

****

 

Marnie nodded to him and we headed upstairs.

****

 

 

****

 

He opened the door and there was a long hallway of flats,Zayn didn't specify which flat he was stuck in and he wasn't answering his mobile. All we could do is walk the hallway hoping to hear him.

****

 

 

****

 

The walk seemed longer in silence.

****

 

 

****

 

“So did you notice any nutters renting recently” I was trying to make conversation.

****

 

 

****

 

“ No... ,like I said Joe rents the rooms and their usually by the week so its mostly tourists and poor Uni students,they occasionally come to the bar,but we charge too much for shitty drinks , so more often than not they spend their money elsewhere"

****

 

 

****

 

We both fall silent again.

I hate that things are awkward between us ,I miss being able to laugh with him.

 

****

 

Glass breaks ,and someone starts shouting.

****

 

 

****

 

We run down the hallway to the flat the noise is coming from,Harry goes into some sort of angry mode I've never seen before.

****

 

 

****

 

He pounds on the door.

****

 

 

****

 

“Go the fuck away” A burly voice from inside calls

****

 

 

****

 

Harry keeps pounding.

****

 

 

****

 

I'm trying to hold my composure but watching Harry angrily pound on that door with his huge hands is making it feel really hot in here.

****

 

 

****

 

Finally a short,stocky,greasy guy answers the door.

****

 

 

****

 

“Oi ,what is so fucking important”

****

 

 

****

 

“Well Hello,I own these flats and the bar downstairs and I'm getting complaints about noise”

****

 

 

****

 

Harry is being polite ,yet just angry enough to seem like a badass.

  
  


 

I'm so inappropriately turned on right now.

****

 

 

****

 

“No you don't ,I rent from Joe ,hes the owner.”

****

 

 

****

 

“Well ,Yeah ,Joe’s the owner but I'm the manager ,so when Joe’s not here I'm in charge and I can't have you breaking things and screaming and quite possibly holding a friend of mine hostage”

****

 

Harry got ballsy with that last bit ,i'm not sure what had gotten into him but it was making me want him getting into me.

****

 

The greaseball didn't like the last bit either ,he folded his arms and leaned against the door frame.

****

 

 

****

 

“ Wait ,Now I know where I've seen you from ,you're the faggot that tends bar downstairs”

****

 

 

****

 

After I hear the word ,I don't even think I just react .

****

 

 

****

 

I lunge forward ,no one insults Harry in front of me .

****

 

 

****

 

The short ball of grease falls to the floor and I land on top of him . I'm small but I had the element of surprise . The guy can't believe my little pixie sized ass just knocked him to the ground, and honestly neither can I. I pull back my fist and hit him hard in the mouth and I keep hitting. I hit him for calling Harry a faggot.I hit him for hurting Zayn,I hit him because I'm angry,I'm hurting , and I'm helpless.

****

 

I'm watching the man I love fall away from me because I can’t tell him the truth.

****

 

 

****

 

Before I realise it my hands are bloody and I'm crying.

****

 

 

****

 

Harry’s pulling me away from the now unconscious greaseball.

****

 

 

****

 

When I stand up I pull my arm away from him. I'm crying harder ,I'm feeling a lot of things and I guess one of them is anger.

****

 

 

****

 

“Don't fucking touch me “

****

 

 

****

 

“Louis ,I'm just trying to help . He’s out cold you can stop now”

****

 

 

****

 

“Why haven't you called me,why haven't you spoken to me in 3 weeks”

****

 

 

****

 

He looks down, and shakes his head.

****

 

 

****

 

“You are the most complicated and frustrating person I have EVER fucking met”

****

 

 

****

 

Now hes yelling at me.

  
  


 

"I tell you I'm unhappy I practically beg you to change that and you blow me off ,I'm pretty sure this is what you wanted. For me to just leave you alone"

****

 

 

****

 

“Fuck you Harry ,I turned you down ok . Thats the reality here . I said no and you can't handle that,why does that mean we can't be friends ,dont let me not being good enough end our friendship.”

****

 

 

****

 

“Fuck your self righteous act ,I'm getting so sick of hearing ‘you're not the right one ,you're a terrible boyfriend ,you're horrible,you suck at relationships ,I deserve better’. Fuck all that. I know all of that ,I knew it all along and its all bullshit, I still love you ,I still want you”

****

 

 

****

 

I hate him so much. Why can't he just be a horrible person.It would make all this so much easier.

****

 

 

****

 

“ Thats the problem ,you don't know me as well as you think.”

****

 

 

****

 

“ What are are you on about ,I know everything about you ,I know that you talk in your sleep, but not just random words ,you quote movies. Like full dialog, its the cutest thing I ever seen. You hate tomatoes but you love ketchup. You're in love with Chad Michael Murray and you cry every time uncle keith dies in that episode of One Tree Hill ,even though you've seen it 1000 times.You say you're allergic to fish but you're not ,you just say that so people leave you alone about hating it so much. Your favorite time of year is winter because despite your affinity for skimpy clothing you'd much rather be wearing a jumper and those ratty grey sweats that are too big for you but you won't give them up. When it snows you always do the same thing,you snuggle by a fire watching Love Actually trying to see if you can quote the cue card scene without looking, while drinking Hot tea with one sugar and two creams. Want me to keep going ?”

****

 

 

****

 

I didn't even realise he knew all that . I didn't realise he had paid attention that much to notice all the little things about me,but it  still wasn't enough.

****

 

 

****

 

“Harry ....” I couldn't find the words to tell him the things he didn't know but he should.

****

 

 

****

 

“Uh ,guys ,not to interrupt but is it safe to come out.”

****

 

 

****

 

 “Yea Zayn you're safe.”

****

 

 

****

 

Zayn slowly crept from the bathroom.

****

 

 

****

 

“Louis ,thank you so much for coming. I'm so sorry ,I'll listen to you from now on I swear.”

  
  


 

"Woah ,holy shit who knocked him out"

  
  


 

Zayn was of course referring to greaseball.

  
  


 

"Oh ,uh that would be me."

  
  


 

I admitted not so proudly.

  
  


 

"Nice , Im gonna lug him into the bathroom."

  
  


 

"Why the hell would you do that "  I asked looking at Zayn who was already pulling greaseball around.

  
  


 

"Well Im stealing his wallet and then I plan on knocking the knob off the door locking him inside , just to let him know not to fuck with someone like me ever again."

  
  


 

As Zayn dragged the mans greasy little body into the bathroom I couldn't help but think,that what's I'd have done in my early days

  
  


 

I nod my head to him and turn back to Harry who’s on his phone now, I got so caught up in Zayns plot I hadn't even heard it ring.

****

 

 

****

 

“Shit ,tell him I ran into the back to grab something ...I dunno Marnie just don't tell him I'm up here.”

****

 

 

****

 

He hangs up the phone and looks straight at me again ,but I can't face him.

****

 

 

****

 

I know what I want but I'm still not sure If its the right thing for me to have. I'm so conflicted and it hurts ,I can't lose Harry but Im afraid if I give in I'll ultimately lose him anyway .

****

 

 

****

 

I shut my eyes and and tears trail down my face.

****

 

 

****

 

He walks over to me slowly and doesn't say a word.

****

 

 

****

 

He puts his hand on my cheek.I rest my head into his large soft hands.

****

 

My brain is screaming at me to stop ,but Im not listening this time. I want to feel the warmth of his skin against mine.

****

 

He wipes my tears with his thumb . I look up into his green eyes and all of the doubt and conflict seems to melt away.

****

 

I reach my hand up and cup his neck in my hand ,my fingers slowly move up into his curls. He closes his eyes and leans into my touch.

****

 

I can smell his skin and whatever cologne hes wearing ,hes completely intoxicating .

****

 

His lips are dangerously close to mine ,and all I want is to taste the sweetness of his mouth.

****

 

 

****

 

In perfectly fucked up timing ,Nick finds his way to the flats. Marnie lasted all of 2 minutes.

****

 

 

****

 

“Harry ,I know you're up here ,Marnie can't keep a secret for shit . What are you doing up here.”

****

 

 

****

 

I can hear that his voice is far enough off that we still have a few moments .

  
  


 

Just then Zayn emerges from the bathroom ,having stolen the greaseballs wallet and successfully locked him in .

  
  


 

Despite our new company neither one of us move ,there we are still intertwined.

****

 

 

****

 

"Well, things are getting a little intense in here ,Louis I'm gonna wait for you outside"

****

 

 

****

 

Zayn steps past us and leaves the flat but in all honesty I barely notice.

  
  


 

Harry looks at me intently waiting for me to make the next move ,but just to make sure, Im sure what his move would be ,he pushes his body closer to mine so that I can feel the hardness and excitement bursting out of his tight black jeans.

****

 

As if I needed that clouding my judgment.

****

 

 

****

 

"Harry ..."

****

 

"Yes "

****

 

His voice nearly makes my already wobbling knees completely give out beneath me.

****

 

 

****

 

" If I dont kiss you right now ,If I walk away ,will you still love me . Can we still be friends. If I stop all this right now ,can things go back to the way they were"

****

 

 

****

 

His face doesnt move ,hes still so close, curls still laced in my fingers,body still pressed against me.

****

 

 

****

 

" If I say yes will you kiss me anyway " He smiles, and licks his lips a little.

****

 

 

****

 

I cant do it anymore ,I cant stop myself , seeing that little bubble gum pink tongue of his is enough to send me over the edge.

****

 

 

****

 

 

****

 

I press my lips against his ,and in that moment my body releases so much of the tension and angst it was holding inside.

****

 

 

****

 

He tastes better than I remember. I press my lips softly against his,running my hands all through his hair. I forgot how good that felt.

****

 

His hands move down my shoulders ,he lightly traces a line down my arm making me shiver.

****

 

We both pull away but he stays close. He smiles again .

****

 

I bite my bottom lip,hes driving me crazy ,but hes barely doing anything.

****

 

"MMmm , you still give the best snog in all of London ."

****

 

Im speechless,he doesnt even realise that I've snogged most of London and none of them come close to him,it was so Ironic that he'd be paying me that complement.

  
  


 

"Harry , whats going on . Where are you"

****

 

Nick was getting closer.

****

 

"Oh ,are you looking for Harry ."

****

 

I could hear Zayn stalling for us ,he's really redeeming himself .

****

 

 

****

 

Harry's still there holding me ,running his hands up and down my arms ,resting his forehead against mine, killing me slowly.

****

 

"I guess thats my queue to go"

****

 

"Yeah ,I think so"

****

 

 

****

 

I can see myself in my head telling him not to leave,I can hear the words forming ,but they're not making their way out. Something inside me is screaming YES ,YES I LOVE YOU PLEASE DON'T GO. But in the end I let the part of me win that knows Im a whore and I cant give Harry what he needs. The part that doesn't know if I'm ever going to want the white picket fence happy ending ,the part that knows harry deserves that.

****

 

I don't say or do anything ,I just stand there letting him melt me into a pool of lust and longing.

****

 

Finally he breaks his gaze and lets me go ,he turns from me and starts to walk away.

****

 

As soon as his hands leave me I sigh. We've only been apart for a few seconds and I want him back.

****

 

"Hopefully I'll see you soon ,Styles"

****

 

He stops moving toward the door and turns back around ,this time he moves fast .

****

 

His green eyes now burning with fire.

****

 

He knows what he wants and this time hes not asking for it or waiting for me to catch up .

****

 

He takes my face into his hands and kisses me hard ,we move back toward the wall. He raises my hands above my head and interlaces his fingers in mine pinning me there .His lips move quickly from my lips to my neck,he makes sure to suck and bite right where my neck meets my collar bone.

****

 

He was right ,he knows just what I want.

****

 

Before I can even think about what to do next , he spins me around .

****

 

"Put your hands on the wall" He tells me abruptly.

****

 

I immediately obey.

****

 

He reaches his hands up my shirt brushing my bare skin. He lifts the shirt over my head and begins kissing the back of my shoulders then down my spine.

****

 

All I can muster up are small moans as he completely dominates me.

****

 

He places his body on top of mine and puts his hands over mine again.

****

 

I turn my face back to his ,we kiss as I can feel his very hard cock pressed against my ass ,even through jeans  .

****

 

He reads my mind again and his hands move quickly to remove the fabric in between us,but my jeans prove too tight for him to get off alone.

****

 

"Take them off" He instructs .

****

 

I obey again.

****

 

Im so glad I didnt wear knickers today.

****

 

There I am completely naked turned around ,pinned to the wall as he just looks me over. I can feel his eyes taking in all that he's missed since the last time we were together.

****

 

His hands move fast to my hips ,he just grabs them as if he's remembering how to operate my machinery.

****

 

His hands find their way to my ass,he cups both cheeks from underneath into his large hands.

****

 

He leans in close again ,pressing himself against me.

****

 

"God you have the perfect ass"  He whispers into my ear

****

 

"I have missed this ass" I can hear the sly smile thats spread across his face in his voice.

****

 

Im hard and throbbing ,I know hes enjoying taking me in but Im in desperate need of some relief.

****

 

I move one of my hands down to my cock and begin to stroke as he continues to rub and slap my ass.

****

 

He notices quickly and turns me back around.

****

 

Im so excited at this point that by the time his hand gets to my cock Im almost sure Im going to cum instantly.

****

 

But what he does next both confuses and infuriates me.

****

 

He takes my hand from my cock and pins in back to the wall.

****

 

He gets real close again and kisses me softly on the lips.

****

 

He then cups my face in his hands and kisses my forehead.

****

 

"We cant do stuff like that remember were just friends"

****

 

That son of a bitch ,he never had any intention to fuck me ,or touch me ,or even let me touch myself.

****

 

Damn he plays a good game.

****

 

He slowly backs away and shoves his hands into his pockets.

****

 

" You've gotta be kidding me "

****

 

I was naked and pissed off,not my favorite combination.

****

 

"Hey if you ever want to change our status just say so and I'll finish what I started." He smiled the biggest ,smuggest grin he could get on that perfect fucking face of his.

****

 

"Ok ,you win this one ,but you've started a dangerous game here ."

****

 

"Just a friendly game between pals right"

****

 

He pulled a hand out of his pocket and slowly licked one finger and made a slash motion in the air.

****

 

"Styles 1 Tomlinson 0"

****

 

Fuck ,he was so good.

****

 

He left with a huge smile plastered across his face.

****

 

I couldnt help but smile either, he had this effect on me, that I couldnt explain . He made me angry and horny and happy and just all these emotions all at once that just wanted to burst out of me.

****

 

It was the same effect Lucas left on men.

****

 

Maybe thats where I got it from.

****

 

I got dressed and met Zayn outside ,he had successfully lead Nick on a wild goose chase for Harry and for that ,I didnt lash out on him too hard for being so stupid.

****

 

When I got home I got into the shower and wanked so hard ,thinking about Harry's hands all over me.

****

 

When I got out of the shower ,I had a text.

****

 

 

****

 

**Harry:** _I just came thinking of you, pal ._

****

 

 

****

 

**Me:** _Styles 2 Tomlinson 0,but Ive got plenty of time to catch up ._

****

 

 

****

 

**Harry:** _Looking forward to it ._

****

 

 

  


 

This is not going to end well.

****

 

 


	8. June 23rd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The game continues but the odds remain heavily stacked in Harry's favor and its causing Lucas to lose his edge .Niall paints Louis secrets again and everything comes to a head when Zayn and Nick have another run in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really want to know what every one is thinking about the new chapters,Im having a bit of a brain block going forward so I want to make sure what Ive already written is headed in the right direction..

 

 

Harry and I have talked everyday since what I'm now calling ,the incident.

Every client I've been with since then just doesn't compare.

I'm losing my edge at work and that's never happened before.

Harry's winning in more ways than one, I'm starting to get so frustrated ,I'm ready to break.

I keep reminding myself why I'm restraining by staring at the painting I stole, imagining how sad Harry's face would be if he found out the boy he wanted so badly was a whore.

My conscious always ruins my fun.

My phone buzzes.

  
**Harry:** _Hey pal,I was wanking to the thought of your ass the other day and it got me thinking, you're right I don't know everything about you, where was your favorite place on my body to cum?_

Ok now I was imagining his pouty lips drizzled with cum,it glistening on his smooth skin .

The smile on his face, that he gets knowing he’s completely satisfied me.

  
**Me:** _Styles 5 Tomlinson 0_

I have to go take the equivalent of 1000 cold showers.

***

" Lucas darling, it's so good to see you "

Just the sound of El's Shrill voice was enough to make the hard on I’d seemingly had for days, go straight away.

"Hey,I'm just here to drop off your cut, I've got a client in a few so, I really must be going..."  I tried to drop the money and run ,the effect I was looking for had been achieved.

"No, you're free darling. Your client rebooked with that new boy Zayn,sit down, have a hibiscus water."

Why does this bitch need different plants and vegetables in her drinks.

I sit down anyway. No need to call more attention than its worth.

" What the Hell ,you've been rebooking my clients all week. What's going on ?"

She takes a sip of her water, and slowly sighs.

She puts her hand on top of mine across the table.

She’s such a drama queen.

"You're losing it sweetie, the clients aren't asking for you anymore ,and you regulars are complaining.”

“This is bullshit”

“Somethings going on that's got you blocked, you better unblock it or you're going to end up like Anthony.Have you seen ? ,He's on Craigslist now "

She cracked a smile as she showed me his pathetic attempt to be his own agent,it wasn't good.

He was one post away from walking the streets dressed as Antonia making 10 dollars in an alley for a blow job.

This thing with Harry had to be figured out and quick.

I didn't even give El a chance to finish ,I got up and stormed out of the restaurant.

I wasn't going to lose my edge like this, I wasn't ending up like Anthony.

I needed to talk to Zayn.

After the incident I told him he'd be safer using an agency. That is one of the things El is good for ,keeping us safe. She took him in ,and why wouldn't she ,he’s beautiful.

Guys we're eating him up left and right.

Unfortunately some of those guys were my guys.

  
**Me:** _What the fuck is going on . I wanted to help you but you're taking all my clients._

  
**Zayn:** _Sorry I had no idea. I just fuck who El tells me to._

I feel kinda bad for the kid. Its not his fault .

  
**Me:** _You're right ,you couldn't have known. Can I come round just to talk then._

  
**Zayn:** Y _ea sure I've got an 8 O,Clock but I've got time._

I made my way down the street to Zayn’s.

Of course as I got to the tube, Criac's latest work was there to greet me.

People loved his heart of the whore painting ,because it added another layer to the mystery.

Usually he painted celebrities but now with an unidentified subject it made people think they had gotten closer to who he really was.

Of course with this kind is success he had to keep painting me, this one was called Dangerous Games. There were 3 scenes ,one with me and the curly haired boy almost kissing, tight in an embrace with one

another,on the other side was the boy pinning me against the wall whispering in my ear and in the middle there I stood faceless with a huge question mark above my head.

I really had to stop talking to Niall

I hopped down the steps to get on the tube and furiously dialled his number.

"WeyHey"

"Don't fucking WeyHey me you bitch,why are my intimate conversations with you painted all over Hyde Parks tube stop.”

" Oh good you saw it, what do you think"

I wish phones had a button you could press to punch someone.

"Hmm let me see...my private life is 8ft tall in spray paint where 1000’s of people ride the tubes every day ,what do you think, I THINK! “

“I guess everyone’s a critic”

I swear I'm inventing a phone punching button .

“What if Harry sees it, or I dunno what if someone gets smart and identifies both of us, this is almost as bad as you outing me in high-school"

" Oh come on you're still mad about that"

"Niall you drew a picture of me blowing the football coach and _turned it into to art class._ He lost his job and my parents almost kicked me out, it's little hard to just get over that "

"Well when you say it out loud like that it does make me look like an asshole,but in the mural you and Harry are completely faceless. I thought that was brillant "

"Yea Niall but how many boys in London do you know with Harry's haircut"

He paused trying to think about it.

" Well now that you mention it his hair is kinda unique "

" Yeah it is...you have to take it down and the other one too"

"Ok,I'm sorry I'll paint over them tonight. "

" Good and dont paint me anymore ,its creepy"

I hung up the phone and realised as talented as Niall is ,he had a real lack of common sense.

When I got to Zayn’s we talked about my clients ,I realised that I was lacking my normal dominance and confidence.

I let Harry take that role ,because it felt so good,but I was letting that behavior seep into my work..

I needed to get my groove back.

I thanked Zayn and let him get ready for his client.

I walked down the stairs of his flat,he lived pretty high up .

I took my time on the steps contemplating my next move with Harry.

One step had me feeling confident ,sexy ,dominate and ready to have Harry begging for me.

The next had me remembering my job,my lies and the pain I'd inevitably cause him ,we were both too invested, we couldn't just shag and that be it ...  could we ? ,is that even what I wanted?.

More steps had me considering he was engaged and as many time as I'm sure I ended up being the mistress ,it didn't feel right this time around.

I never actively meant to break a relationship up.

My mind was in a battle between ,sex ,love lies and betrayal... I really have to stop falling asleep watching Downton Abbey

My phone buzzes

  
**Harry:** _You never got back to me about the cum,Im gonna guess you like my mouth though. Thats where it ended up most of the time. If I was lucky you’d miss just a bit and Id catch some on my lips . I know you like watching me lick that last bit up. ttyl,dude._

Its offical.

He is the devil incarnate.

I can't keep playing these mind games ,its too much.

I have to tell him the game is over

He wins,but it ends now.

As I walk to the door,I'm completely flustered and trying to adjust the huge erection in my pants.

Of course with all this going on I knock into a tall stranger.

Only its not a stranger ,its Nick.

He looks even more flustered than me..

“Louis ... uh .. what are you doing here.”

“Just seeing a friend , what are you doing here”

“oh .. the same. Wedding planning stuff to talk about ....you know...”

Why was he being so awkward,I expected after his accusation that I'd slept with Harry ,that he wouldn't want to play nice with me.

I was just staring at him confused .

“Well ,gotta get moving then” He brushed past me and skipped up the stairs

“ok ...”

  
I still didn't understand.

I shook it off and continued walking ,a text wouldn't do Harry justice .

I had to tell him in person.

I was halfway down the block when my phone buzzed agian.

  
**Zayn:** Y _ou’ll never guess who my 8 O'Clock is...._

It hit me like a brick ...

Nick was going to see Zayn !

That bastard was cheating and with HOOKERS !

  
**Zayn:**   _Its Nick but Im pretty sure he doesn't recognize me , I don't know what to do._

  
**Me:** _Do whatever he asks, and let me know when he leaves._

  
**Zayn:** _Are you sure about this._

  
**Me:** _Positive_

My thoughts race inside my head.

All this time I thought I was the worst thing that could happen to Harry ,meanwhile I'm standing idly by as some dick in designer clothes is running about with whores and making Harry work his fingers to the bone tending bar to pay for some extravagant wedding.

Maybe I wasn't so bad after all...

I run ,my feet hit the pavement as hard as they ever have before.

I may be a whore,I may be a liar but I've never intentionally hurt Harry.

I might not be the best thing for him but I'm better than this.

My keds keep moving quickly toward my destination. I dont want to give myself time to overthink things.

I reach the bar completely out of breath, I can see him from outside.

He’s laughing , and its like I'm seeing him in slow motion.

All of the uncertainty ,all of the doubt and guilt just leave.

I fall in love with him all over again, but honestly I never stopped. I just couldn't admit that to myself.

I pull the door open.

He see’s me and I can tell he just knows .

He stops dead in his tracks ,completely ignoring the conversation he had been having.

He locks eyes with me and moves from behind the bar.

I rush over to him .We instantly embrace.

He holds me close and I can hear his heart racing beneath his black dress shirt.

I pull back and lean up on my tip toes to kiss him.

His lips meet mine in a soft ,but aching manner.

He runs his hand through my hair while we explore each others warm mouths.

Our lips part but we stay close, we both have stupid smiles plastered on our faces.

“Hi”

“Hi”

“What changed your mind”

I want to tell him everything ,he deserves that much.

“A lot ... I need to I show you something”

“We might get in trouble for that in public “

God hes making this difficult.

“Seriously ,I have a lot to tell you if this is going to work”

Hes still so close ,rubbing his thumb over my cheek.

“Ok ,Im here and I'm listening”

I kiss him again and grab his hand, I pull him outside and we run up the street together.

He's happy and that's all I ever really wanted, I savor every moment of it ,because after I tell him the truth it may not last.

***

“We're almost there ... just remember that I love you and I’ll answer any questions you have ok .”

He kisses my forehead

“Im sure I can handle it”

We round the corner and take a deep breath , there in front of us is Nialls ,heart of the whore painting, I'm glad he hasn't painted over it yet.

i may not have liked Niall exposing me but I dont think Id be able to articulate what needs to be said here. 

Harry's still holding my hand , he smiles and looks at me confused .

“You brought me to look at street art , ok... so you're gayer than I thought . We can work through that”

I smile a little.

“No , look closer”

He lets my hand go and as his fingertips leave mine I have to think it may be the last time.

“Ok.. so ,it sort of looks like you, and you're heart is breaking ... one half has ... me in it”

He looks back to me and smiles,I nod,he looks back to the painting.

“And the other half .... well that looks compromising ..., I'm sorry I still dont get it ... wait are you Craic ! ”

“No ....maybe the title will help ... Its down at the bottom”

He looks more confused than ever ... He does that pensive furrowed look and turns to the painting again.

He reads it aloud.

“Heart of The Whore”

At first he looks really perplexed , and then I see it happen ,he looks to the ground .

I can tell hes putting the puzzle together.

My heart falls into my stomach and it feels as if the airs been punched out of my lungs.

He comes back to me.

“ You're not a night time legal secretary are you”

I let a tear streak down my face and shake my head.

He puts his hand over his mouth , I'm still not sure what he's feeling but it doesn't seem good.

He walks back to the painting.

Hes pacing.

“Why’d you tell me ... why did I have to know. You could have just let me think you were a secretary . ”

“Because I didn't want to lie to you, you deserve better than that.”

“ FUCK WHAT I DESERVE”

He screams and it startles me.

“Im sorry I'm just so tired of hearing that,all this deserve and not deserve shit just makes me feel like shit. Im not a saint you know.”

He squats down to his knees , and I can see the tears forming in his eyes.

I walk over to him and kneel down in the street .

“Did you do this when we were together”

“No ,never I swear ,this started after us”

He looks slightly relieved.

My eyes dart back and forth searching his face.

My insides are screaming for me to just run away , just go and don't look back .

He looks at me ,his lip quivers and his eyes get wetter.

He looks so sad ,so hurt.

I'm afraid this is the way he’ll look at me forever.

This is what I didn't want.

“You said you’d answer questions “

I nodded.

“Why do you it ?“

“Would you believe me if I said I enjoy it “

He puts his head down again ,

“You know I like sex, and I've never really been good at anything else.”

He lets out a big breath.

“I don't want to judge you ,I know this was really hard for you. I just can't believe you kept such a big part of your life from me .”

“I'm sorry, I was so afraid of losing you. I think I was trying to protect you, I know now that was wrong”

He hugs me ,but its different now.

“I don't want you to think that I don't love you, I do ... and I don't want to be the guy that gives up on you ... but I need some time.”

“Ok ,I can understand that”

He nods and gets up. He looks at me one last time and starts to walk away.

I let the tears fall fast and free now, I turn back to the painting and hope Niall paints over it soon.

Its really painful to look at now.

Zayn texts me and tells me Nick just left .

I thought knowing Nick was a scumbag would make me feel better about all this , but it didn't .

I start wondering why I let my keds carry me straight into all this. 

I could have just met Harry ,took him back to my flat . Let him make love to me and never looked back.

He was right why didnt I just keep lying.

I call El.

“What do you know about Zayn’s 8 O clock”

“Well Hello to you too”

“Cut the shit El ,its important”

“Fine , He says his name is Matt , He been a regular client for about a year . Always books different boys. sees someone at least twice a week. “

“Why haven't you ever booked me with him”

“He always asks for someone cheap”

Of course he does ,he can't go around wearing Prada shoes and paying £100 for a blowjob.

“Who is my regular with tonight”

“ I've booked him with Gabrielle “

“No,hes back with me . Send him to my flat in a hour. Tell him if he’s not satisfied that I'll pay him “

“Lucas I'm not ...”

“ Book it El “

I hang up the phone and make my way back to my flat.

I don't think ,not even for a second . I'm not letting my feelings cloud my work anymore.

This job may be all I have left and I'm not fucking that up too.

The client accepted El’s offer , he also paid double after I was finished with him.

I wish that didn't make me happy ,but it did.


	9. June 29th

Its been raining for days.

Im not sure where it's raining more, outside or on my face.

I haven't heard from Harry since I told him men pay to sleep with me.

He told me to give him time and I'm trying but I just want to hear his voice.I need to know that theres some small chance I can still have him in my life.

I've been trying to keep my mind busy with work.

But it's difficult, everything reminds me of him.

Niall's been helping, he painted over the murals and replaced them with graphic scenes of Chad Michael Murray in various lewd acts.

It was his version of an apology and I graciously accepted.

Zayn's been becoming my friend ,accidentally of course.

He started coming round with bottles of wine ,terrible movies and junk food, its hard to turn that down. We'd end up,talking about clients and trading secrets.

At first thought, I hated it, until I realised how nice it was to be able to have someone in the business I could talk to.

The last escort I tried being friends with blew my boyfriend at the time and I really haven't trusted a whore since.

Zayn was different, he was sweet, honest,very mellow and quiet that is until you get him comfortable,then he’s this funny,crazy ,interesting guy.

Tonight he was over telling me about this client he'd been seeing regularly that calls himself Robin.

“Robin ?? Thats so weird . So does he have a batman fetish or was his name really just Robin.”

“Well oddly enough it was more of a nod to Robin

Hood,but he was wearing Batman underwear now that you mention it “

“Robin hood ??? What the hell are you on about ? “

“When I first met him ,he had me meet him at his flat ,but when I buzzed up to see if he was there he wasn't so I just figured , he bailed or something and then here came this smiling ,beautiful boy running round the corner toward me . He asked if I was Zayn , to which I obviously shook my head and then he put his hand out and told me to come with him. So I held his hand and we ran down the street .”

“You know you sound mental right now ,right”

“Yea it sounds mental but at the time it felt fun and spontaneous.”

“ So what does running down the street have to do with Robin Hood”

“Turns out he was running because he had just stolen a bunch blankets and coats for the homeless. We ran ,and got them from where he stashed them and handed them out at his flat. Homeless people line up to get the shit ,he knew some of them and they thanked him like they knew him. It seemed like something he did a lot”

I couldn't tell if the story was really sweet or really weird.

“So he steals from the rich and gives to the poor”

“Yea ,he only steals from big corporations or places that won't employ some of the homeless that are trying to get back on their feet. So he calls himself Robin”

“Did he tell you his real name ...”

“Yea but not til after I'd been seeing him a while ,but I like Robin it reminds me of how cool and kind he is”

“Blah blah blah bullshit ... what's his real name”

Zayn rolled his eyes and huffed

‘Liam”

“Liam is a much better name then Robin ... so is there any fucking involved in this arrangement”

I could see him get nervous and swallow hard.

“Not at first , we just stole shit from different shops ,handed it out to the poor and then we'd have coffee or drinks”

“Meanwhile he's paying you $100 an hour for your time”

“You don't know him , I know what you're thinking and sure, his family has money and he probably could just buy the stuff and hand it out but hes making a point taking from these big corporations and businesses that are draining the life out of the lower class ,he’s like a vigilante, or a super hero and I love that about him”

Uh oh , I could hear it in his voice ,I could see it in his eyes.

He was falling for this guy.

“No ... no no no no no NO”

“What ?”

“You know exactly what .What is one of the main rules to being an escort.”

He shook his head.

“Never fall in love with a client,but its not like that. I can enjoy spending time with a client.you like spending time with Jared,you get all excited when he books. You even play house with him.”

“Thats what he pays for Zayn ,I play the part he asks me to. And sure I love Jared as a client, those feelings are strictly business. You're gonna get hurt.”

“No I'm not because its not like that.”

“Then what's it like ,you said the first few times you didn't even sleep with him “

Zayn put his wine glass down and sat up .

“He said he didn't want to pay me to sleep with him because he really liked me, he wanted me to want to sleep him because I liked him and not because he was paying me to do it.”

 

 

“ Fucking Hell ,tell me, you did not sleep with him for free”

“It wasn't technically for free”

“Really Zayn ,Seriously , this is what I was warning you about ,this guy has roped you in ,made you fall for him and now hes getting the goodies for free. You have to end this now”

“No , fuck it ...I lied earlier ,I do like him and he likes me and its different than my other clients. Hes not even a client any more ,Were sort of... together”

“Jesus Christ ,you don't know anything about him . For all you know El could be wrong about his family and his money. He could be some broke street rat that needs a regular booty call and hes getting it for free”

“Don't talk about him like that,you don't know him.”

“Thats my point ,neither do you “

“Don't treat me like  I'm stupid ,you know I'm not a complete arse”

“Really ,if I remember correctly this is coming from the boy that picked me up at a hotel bar and  prompted me for sex by asking how much I'd pay to fuck him ,the same boy that later went to some random guys flat on top a bar and almost got murdered. Doesn't sound like the brightest bulb in the box to me“

 

“Well at least I didn't lie to my best mate for years about who I was, and even worse you let me fuck his fiancee just so you could feel better about being such a lying whore”

**SMACK**

I didn't even think ,the anger flew right from my fingertips onto Zayn’s face.

He held his hand there and looked at me stunned.

“Get out”

I felt like I was going to vomit ,I didn't mean to hit him but I was so mad at myself already the anger just spilled over , and maybe he was right. It didn't feel good hearing him say that ,I just reacted and didn't think.

“ Zayn I'm ... I'm so sorry. I'm just trying to protect you and what you said was just,”

“I said get OUT ! “

I grabbed my messenger bag slung it over my shoulder and made my way to the door . I turned back to him .

“Zayn ,I really am sorry”

He didn't say a word ,he didn't even look at me,so I just left.

It was late and the streets were mostly empty.The sounds of the rain and every once in awhile a car whooshing by were the only things keeping me sane.

I was crying again , it seemed like a regular task for me.

  
The rain started pounding against the pavement soaking me and nearly drowning me .

I quickly found and awning to stand under until the rain slowed.

I was cold and alone and I didn't want to be .

I tried calling Niall but he wouldn't pick up. He was probably somewhere painting and not able to get to his phone.

I scrolled through my contacts. I realised there weren't many , and that was my fault. I pushed people away because I was afraid . I pushed them away because I didn't like most people. I pushed them away because I didn't think I was good enough. No matter the reason I was left scrolling through 6 people ,half of which didn't really care to hear from me ,maybe ever again.

I was tired of pushing , I was tired of hiding how I really felt all the time .I was ready to fight for what I wanted.

I dialed Harry's number .

I knew he probably wouldn't pick up but I had to try.

“Hi Louis”

Holy shit he picked up.

I sobbed.

“You don't know how good it is to hear your voice right now. I never imagined you'd pick up. I was just gonna listen to your voicemail.”

“What's wrong , you sound terrible ,where are you I can barely hear you”

“My life's turned to complete shit . “

“I think this is the first time I've ever heard you say that”

“Yea well this is the first time I ever felt this bad”

“I can't really hear you ,where are you ?”

“ I don't know ,I just feel so lost. I can't lose you ,I can't lose someone else especially not someone as important to me as you. I know you need time and I respect that but I’ll do whatever it takes . I'll stop being a call boy ,I'll get a proper job with proper hours. We don't have to be together I know I've ruined that and thats fine but I need you . “

Silence

“Hello... Harry I said I need you”

Silence

“Harry ... please.... “

I took the phone from my ear ,I looked at the screen ... he had hung up.

I stared at the phone for a few seconds. I wanted to crush it into a million pieces .

I was so angry and hurt.

I was in pain and the only person who could fix it just gave up on me.

I flung the phone out into the street.

I couldn't look at it anymore.

I started moving and fast.

I walked in the rain letting it hit me hard.

I'm not even sure where I was going but I just wanted to move.

I was losing everything and it was my own fault,I was never this out of control of my own life.

I chose to be whore,I chose to yell at Zayn ,I chose to alienate and push everyone away who ever tried to get to know me and now I had chosen to tell Harry the truth ,to absolve my own guilt.

Maybe Zayn was right I had done it all for myself, and now thats what I'm left with.

Me ,myself and I .

I was selfish and stupid and it cost me the one person that put up with all my shit , the only person I ever really let my wall down for. The only person who would come outside in the rain in a tank top ,a fedora and flip flops.

Wait

It couldn't be .

Were my puffed out eyes deceiving me ,had the cold and the wet of the rain gotten to me that badly.

The figure moved closer to me fast . It was running.

The closer it got the more I knew it was him.

His feet hit the cold rain soaked pavement hard .

I stopped moving and just stood there, waiting for him to run right through me.

He stopped right in front of me ,he took the fedora off and shook his wet curls from his face.

We stood there for a moment letting the rain wash over us.

“How did you know where I was “

“You checked into ‘Zayns’ apartment. I GPSed it , you really should be more careful about that sort of thing.”

“Why are you here,you hung up.You gave up and I don't blame you.”

“I told you I couldn't hear you ,I tried to call back but it went straight to voicemail”

Sort of rethinking that whole tossing the phone into the street thing now.

“ Well can you hear me now”

“Yea ,loud and clear”

“I love you ,and I know I have destroyed all hopes of us ever being together but I can't live my life without you in it and I'm so sorry for lying ,I'll do whatever it takes to ..”

“Shut up “

He smiled

I shook my head .

“What ? “

“ I said Shut up “

He had that stupid goofy grin plastered all over his face and I didn't understand .

“But ...”

“You're never gonna listen to me are you “

I locked my lips.

“I needed some time to wrap my head around all this ,sure, but did you really think I'd be able to walk away . I could never walk away from you . I was hurt,and angry and really jealous ,and I still am . I wanted to call ,but I couldn't decide if I could do this,I couldn't decide what I wanted from you or how to talk about this with you. I was scared and confused but when you called and I heard your voice ,I couldn't hear every word but I heard how sad and hurt you were and I never want to have to hear you like that again. I love you Louis you. I always have and now I know that I always will”

The rain drizzled down both of our faces.

I was wet and cold and the happiest I have ever been in my life.

I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him ,I kissed him like I would never get to agian ,I kissed him to say I'm sorry, I kissed him to taste his lips and never forget how they felt against mine, I kissed him because no one could ever love me the way he did.

In all my mess and baggage and bullshit he saw past that and loved me still.

I shivered ,I wasn't sure if it was the way he made me feel or the slight hypothermia that may have been setting in.

“Lets get you home and warm you up. Your lips are turning blue.”

He wrapped his arms around me and we ran back to my flat.

When we got inside we both took a deep breath and shook off like wet dogs.

He folded his arms around me,rubbing up and down them trying to warm me.

“We’ve got to get you out of these wet clothes”

I nodded. I still wasn't sure what he wanted this all to be so I tried to remain modest.

“I'll go change and get you something warm to put on too “

He nodded .

I ran off into the bedroom , I peeled the soaking wet clothing off of my body,quickly toweled off and threw on sweats and a t shirt .I grabbed him the largest pyjamas I had ,a towel and a blanket.

I emerged from the bedroom to find him already naked and toweling off his glistening skin .

I wanted to stare but I was trying to remember to take things slow . I was waiting for him to make his move with whatever he was comfortable with.

I looked away and handed him the clothes.

“I see you found a towel”

“Yea sorry I hope you didn't mind. I threw my wet stuff in the dryer. “

“No thats fine.”

I shivered again and he noticed.

“Hey come here ,they say body heats the best thing for the cold.”

I shivered again but this time it was for different reason.

He approached me slowly . I still couldn't look directly at him.

He moved in close and started tugging up my shirt.

“What are you doing “ I breathed

“Everyone knows you generate more body heat naked”

“Well that's only logical”

He kept tugging and gently lifted the shirt over my head.

He moved his hands down to the band in my pants ,he slowly pulled the bow I had tied in my drawstring.

“Is this ok “

He looked down at me with his green eyes glimmering , his hair still wet and hanging about his face. I wondered if he knew how truly beautiful he was.

All I could do was nod.

He tugged them down and helped me step out of them.

Once I was completely naked he pulled me close to him. The warmth of his skin against mine melted my icy body instantly. I could feel he was hard , and so was I, but we didn't talk about it or really even acknowledge it. He rubbed my shoulders and kissed my forehead. It was sweet and innocent.Something I'm not used to.

When I saw him naked I was sure we’d make love that night , or at the least we'd get a little dirty in one way or another ,but we didn't .

He took me to bed ,got under the covers and held me tight to him all night so that I wouldn't be cold.

I wasn't sure what was going to happen tomorrow ,how I was I going to tell him about Nick,how to fix things with Zayn ,how to figure out what we were or what we wanted . I had a million questions and somehow he managed to silence them, even if just for the night.

It was the first time I'd ever been in bed with someone ,not had sex and been completely satisfied.


End file.
